X-Mas Humor...Enjoy!

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat
on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris d! id not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds a! way fr! om death.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-
bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours.
If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW
DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her
throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he
bellowed, "Don't @#%$ with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he
realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good
Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all
three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7
different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing!
for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied,
"That's no glitch."

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he th! rew it! up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck
Norris."

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his"
way.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected
with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of
course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the
fatality rate of the actors he fights.

I was not aware of this.

__________________
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.

Ha. I wish my gaze could make someones head explode.

Im glad I haven't meet Chuck Norris

__________________
For as long as one hundred of us shall remain alive we shall never in any wise consent to submit to the rule of the English, for it is not for glory we fight, for riches, or for honours, but for freedom alone, which no good man loses but with his life.

you know when it's illegal to spit Chuck in the face????


[spoiler]when his beard is on fire...[/spoiler]



Chief108

__________________

“	Question Authority. Question Society. Question Reality. Question Yourself. Question your conclusions, your judgments, your answers. Question this. If you question everything thoroughly enough, the truth will eventually hit you upside the head and you will know. But here’s a warning: It won’t be what you imagined. It won’t be even close.	”

all hail Martyr Fakka

Thanks Randel, now I have the proof I've so long needed to prove the validity to nonbelievers, that my Church of Chuck is indeed a valid and true religion!!!

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Oh THAT'S how that works!

The Streets shall flow with the blood of the non-believers!

I thought I saw Chuck Norris once. I was driving through the hills north of Dallas when I noticed a soft glow to the east. I pulled over, expecting any moment to see The Bearded One rise over the crest of the hill. But it was just the sun rising. I cried bitter tears for a while and then tried to roundhouse kick the bumper of my Fiesta. But all I did was break my ankle.

__________________
"Pain can be a great teacher of compassion and humility."~ Unkotare-san

"Whatever the case, it proves that countless disasters can be prevented by simply assuming everyone you're working with is a moron." ~ Adam Brown, 5 Tiny Mistakes...

“	Originally Posted By: Randel The Streets shall flow with the blood of the non-believers!	”

So it is written, so shall it be!

Every night when I and the faithful gather before the Octagon Alter, we celebrate each other's Chuckness by roundhousing each other in the ribs so that the mighty Chuck can hear the thunder of his faithful.

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Oh THAT'S how that works!

I have just finished an intense form of meditation, and His Holy Chuckness communicated with me from the realm of Norris!
He said that I must prove to all the power of the roundhouse kick!

First I must kick my way across America untill I see the sign, what the sign is I don't know but His Superb Roundhouseness said I will know it when I see it, then when I encounter this sign, I must roundhouse it with 1/100th of the power that Norris can generate and send it into space so that all can know that there is no one greater than Chuck!

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Oh THAT'S how that works!

Sounds like a good Western waiting to happen.

I think his holy-roundhouseness already made that movie, a cowboy riding bulls and fighting crime wherever he went, as well as roundhousing his way through bars, and roundhousing a few bulls.

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Oh THAT'S how that works!

Didn't he sing the theme song to that one also!?

Yeah, I believe he did.

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Oh THAT'S how that works!

Today, unfortunately, I encountered an unpleasant experience.
My room-mate left the tv on, and when I got home the station he had on was playing Walker: Texas Ranger, it was the end of the episode and oh so thankfully, Chuckles and whatever has been country singer it was, were singing an incredibly horrific version of his theme song!
I prayed to the Mighty Norris that someone would roundhouse me into unconsciousness so that I wouldn't have to endure it any more, but no such luck

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Oh THAT'S how that works!