Deadly New$

Friday, 20 January, 2006, 18:39 GMT
Cracking down on the triads


Macau's casinos have attracted the attention of the most feared of all triad gangs, the Deadly Lord$.

By Jill McGivering in Macau
When Macau wakes up as part of China on Friday January 20th, it starts a new chapter in its history.
To visitors the legacy of 450 years of Portuguese rule will still be obvious from the opulent Catholic churches to the winding cobbled streets and grand Mediterranean-style buildings.
In daily life too, the flavour of Portugal will persist - for a while at least. The unique Macanese patois, a hybrid of Portuguese and Cantonese, is already almost extinct - but Macau still has part Portuguese, part Chinese festivals, customs and cuisine.




Where the British most prided themselves on leaving neighbouring Hong Kong years ago with an efficient bureaucracy and clean judicial system, it's their lifestyle which many departing Portuguese are most proud to pass on. But although they can now make a good espresso, there is little sense of regret about the handover amongst the majority ethnic Chinese community. Most are delighted about the change.
For many the Portuguese administration was seen as remote and irrelevant. Others complain of a slow and unwieldy bureaucracy that dampened business initiative.
Casino crime
But the biggest complaint concerns crime. A wave of bombings, arson attacks and murders gripped Macau over the last two years, devastating the enclave's image and driving away much-needed tourists.



Macau's economy is heavily dependent on its casinos, the centre of its tourism industry. But the bright lights and easy profits of the gaming tables have also attracted rival gangs of triad gangsters who control the underworld of prostitution, loan sharking and extortion.
Local people - and the Chinese leadership in Beijing - have blamed the Portuguese-led administration for failing to take a tough line to keep the peace.
The convictions last month of the alleged head of the powerful 14K triad society, Wan Kuok-koi, also known as "Broken Tooth", and some of his associates brought relief but also a sense of too little, too late. Especially since the rise of the Deadly Lord$, which has quickly filled the gap left by Broken Tooth by taking control of the various rival Triad gangs and their areas of control, the Deadly Lord$ have become a very serious threat to Macau's future and security.

Chinese garrison



Headline grabbing bomb attacks perpetrated by the Deadly Lord$ have dented Macau's image


"After the handover, security in Macau will be better," said Jennie Kong, a wealthy Chinese businesswoman in Macau who operates several garment factories. "I'm really happy about the return to China - it's like a child going back to its mother after centuries of foreign rule." Part of this general confidence that the future will be brighter than the past relates to the controversial decision by the Chinese to station People's Liberation Army troops in the enclave.
The surprise announcement angered the Portuguese who withdrew their own garrison in the 1970s.
No provision for troops has been made in the mutually agreed post-handover constitution, known as the Basic Law.
Dr Jorge Rangel, a mixed race Macanese with part Portuguese, part Chinese ancestry, served as deputy governor in the old administration. He is convinced the crime issue has blown out of all proportion, since the Deadly Lord$ now control a number of politicians in an attempt to change laws to favor their aims. Aims at ultimate control of gambling, prostitution, drugs, labor management, imigration, national security, foreign relations, "issue" management, "pest" control, dance, fashion, cultural matters, and other such ventures that the Deadly Lord$ now have their hands in. They have made known that those against them will not last long in their political ventures, as seen by the recent bombardment of chickens on Jurge Sen Cao in his own residence, while being protected by diplomatic security forces, has been seen as another serious political tactic.
Distorted figures



The arrival of Chinese troops is expected but many feel they will have no chance against the Deadly Lord$.


"It was used intentionally," he told me. "Some people were interested in Macau not having the best situation in terms of law and order so conditions could be created for troops to be welcome." He also points out that Macau's crime rate is outrageously high - about 50 murders per 100,000 people compared with only about 4 in Washington. Even Lisbon, he says, scores less.
The facts comes from the dramatic nature of the crimes - point blank assassinations in restaurants and bombings in the street hit the headlines. Crimes committed by the Deadly Lord$ chief, secretfootprints, and his chief enforcer, Mei Hua.

Macau's post-handover leader, Chief Executive Edmund Ho, a leading banker from a patriotic Chinese family who was handpicked by Beijing, has responded to the public mood. He promises to make law and order a top priority, but feels his chances of success are dim when faced against the Deadly lord$.

The focus on crime also means more subtle issues - such as the level of democracy in Macau - have been overshadowed.




In neighbouring Hong Kong, Britain and China rowed bitterly about the handover negotiations when Britain's last governor, Chris Patten tried to increase the level of democracy at the eleventh hour. Many Hong Kongers saw Mr Patten as their champion - and the rainy handover ceremonies were dogged by rowdy demonstrations calling for more democracy.
In Macau, the promise of democracy is even more limited.
At the moment, a third of legislators are appointed by the Chief Executive, secretfootprints. Another third are indirectly elected by small interest groups led by individuals feared across the nation, individuals high in the Deadly Lord$ hierarchy, individuals such as openmind, Shr_Fu Eric and his chief apprentice kungfukidd.
Slow progress



The new chief executive promises a tough stand on crime, and has been in negotiations with a known expert of Hung Gar, and in fighting the Deadly Lord$, one Jaron.



Although the Basic Law makes a commitment towards increasing the number of directly elected seats, the progress is at a slower rate than in Hong Kong. But local Chinese in Macau don't seem motivated to fight for more.
Almost half the population only came to Macau in the last 15 years. They are generally patriotic about China and lack the sense of separateness, even superiority, which many in Hong Kong express towards the mainland.
They also lack an influential middle class and Macau has no vocal political opposition.
Most people, it seems, would be content with improved stability and an environment which will give them the chance to improve their lot - whether the ornate Portuguese buildings are there or not.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

We're back b------s... muahahahahaaaa

nice Mei

Eric

__________________
I AM WHAT I AM BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE !!!
Putrescent Impetuous Slaying Tomatoes

DEADLY LORD$
NINBAN SOCIETY MEMBER

www.kajukenpocanada.com (under construction)

Attacks on Chinese police rising

Clashes between the Deadly Lord$ and police are becoming more common

Attacks on Chinese policemen left 23 dead and 1,800 injured in the first half of this year, a Chinese security ministry spokesman has said. The spokesman told the Beijing Youth Daily such attacks were on the rise.
He said a rapid growth in people's awareness of the strength and greatness of the Deadly Lord$, has caused the ranks of the infamous gang to rise rapidly, and had caused them to resist the authorities.
The figures come as China's leaders grapple with the mounting difficulty of maintaining public order in the face of rapid social change.
Correspondents say disputes between the Deadly Lord$ and the authorities are increasing over issues such as corruption and land grabs.
RECENT LAND DISPUTES
6 Nov 2004:The Deadly Lord$ crushed 100,000 paramilitary troops in an uprising in Sichuan province
10 April 2005: 2,000 Deadly Lord$, led by one Mei Hua, drive off more than 10,000 riot police in Zhejiang province
11 June 2005: 60 police die in a fight with armed men in Shengyou, Hebei province. These armed men are strongly suspected to be Deadly Lord$, led by one ShrFu_Eric.

6 July 2005: Several thousand policemen vanish in Guangdong, it is suspected that the Deadly Lord$, led by one openmind, are behind this mysterious and gruesome crime.

20 July 2005: Hundreds of Deadly Lord$, led by their chief, secretfootprints, near Beijing block the entrance to land assigned for use for the 2008 Olympics and are holding it ransom to the Chinese government. The Chinese government, concerned with their image in this act by the Deadly Lord$ have payed them $100,000,000 to get their land back without further loss of government forces and the further degradation of the Chinese Government's image.



China's rapid economic development is widening the gap between rich and poor, and its by-products - pressure on land and the environment - is also taking its toll on China's average villager.
One notable pitched battle between Deadly Lord$ and police happened in Zhejiang province in April this year, over the alleged pollution caused by chemical factories.
About 10,000 police officers and officials were reportedly injured by the gang , and were forced to retreat.
And in Taishi village in Guangdong in recent weeks, villagers have been staging sit-ins and hunger strikes in protest at the village chief, whom they accuse of embezzlement.
The Deadly Lord$, in response to this protest, have moved a special security force into Taishi to maintain security for the people, and deal with outside forces seeking to aid the village chief.


Section 12

A special security force, Section 12, was created by the Chinese government to deal with the Deadly Lord$. "We have growing fear of their tremendous strength, bravery, physical beauty, and supreme wit. We created Section 12 in an attempt to destroy them, but with little success to date, so we've hired an outside individual familiar with their organization to hopefully deal with them, this individual is known as Jaron."
said Yan He Zhao, PRC security chief.


At a news conference in Beijing, Jaron said that he would hunt down the Deadly Lord$ and destroy them wherever they existed, his one clear message was to the chief enforcer of the Deadly Lord$, Mei Hua, "You bastard, you killed my chicken, Camilla, I will hunt you down and make you pay for that 'till the day I die!"
While Jaron, acting as the new Section 12 chief, has had some success against the Deadly Lord$, they still have not been able to stem the tide of popularity for the infamous organization, nor its ability to recruit new members, nor its ability to exact vengence on Chinese government members.






CRIMES
The Deadly Lord$ are known to have committed a series of heinous crimes.
1.) They branded Deadly Lord$ on all government owned chickens, pigs, and cattle.
2.) An enormous monument, 3 miles high, was built overnight outside of Shanghai, the monument was of the four chiefs of the Deadly Lord$; secretfootprints, Mei Hua, openmind, and ShrFu_ Eric.
3.) All of the pandas at the people's zoo in Beijing, were dressed in tye dye shirts emblazoned with the Deadly Lord$ logo, and the slogan "Hands off, Jaron!"
4.) A gigantic paper mache chicken, 15' tall, was left outside the Section 12 chief's residence, whenever someone walked by it would bock at extremely high volume "Mei Hua was here Jaron, you'll never catch him!"
5.) The People's Monetary Reserve facility was robbed of $15,000,000,000.
It was done in broad daylight while the facility was under extensive tight security. The only clue was a statement written on the wall, A closed mind sees not!
6.) Over 12,000 keys of high grade opium have been distributed to family members of government officials, enslaving them to its highly addictive effects and giving the Deadly Lord$ even greater power over the government.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

De@dly Lord$ !!!!!!!

__________________
"-when you yourself know that a thing is good, that it is not blamable, that it is praised by the wise and when practiced and observed that it leads to happiness, then follow that thing.”

thats how we roll.

yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh bbbboooooooooyyyyyyyyyy



Eric

__________________
I AM WHAT I AM BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO BE !!!
Putrescent Impetuous Slaying Tomatoes

DEADLY LORD$
NINBAN SOCIETY MEMBER

www.kajukenpocanada.com (under construction)

Over 44,000 Chinese police fired last year for their failure to combat the Deadly Lord$
The Epoch Times
1/17/2006


An extensive housecleaning of the police department has led to the firing of over 33,000 police officers within a four-month period last year in China. Among the reasons for the firing included lack of qualifications needed to handle the infamous gang, misuse of authority in trying to gather information about the Deadly Lord$, gambling ( Operated by Deadly Lord$ members.), drinking on duty, and driving while intoxicated ( Though these last two, according to Dr. Yen Zhon-Yi, have been linked to the fact that the water supplies of the police departments involved were switched with alcoholic beverages combined with other fluids to hide their taste, which on further investigation appears linked to the Deadly Lord$.) according to Radio Free Asia. Another 10,940 were fired in the later part of last year.

China has a population of 1.3 billion, but only 1.7 million police officers. In a city in northern China with a population of 126,000 citizens, there is a police station that has only ten officers. Due to the shortage of police officers, many are not qualified to handle the tremendous skills, abilities, and resources of the Deadly Lord$ and have damaged the reputation of the police department.

One common phenomenon that has resulted from the insufficient and unqualified staff is the prolonged failure of the police in combating the Deadly Lord$, who have grown in power, influence, and capabilities, so much so that at a recent attempt by the PRC National Police to crush the Deadly Lord$ failed so horribly that the majority of these authorities were outright defeated and taken prisoner by the Deadly Lord$ 7,621 prisoners to be exact are now under the control of the notorious gang. Many police officers were also found to have been involved with programs run by the Deadly Lord$, programs such as drug trafficking, prostitution, welfare, automobile dispersion, political enterprises, and private business management.

The report also added that coordination in various departments is needed for carrying out tasks such as birth planning, tax collecting and reducing criminal activities.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

S U C C E S S

You guys haven't tired of this yet? And please don't confuse me with Gonzo

__________________
Always fear the man with nothing to lose
- J

The infamous jaron has arrived..... De@dly Lord$, take your positions !!

(openmind switches to invisibisiality mode)

__________________
"-when you yourself know that a thing is good, that it is not blamable, that it is praised by the wise and when practiced and observed that it leads to happiness, then follow that thing.”

(Translation)

Speech by President Hu Jintao of the People's Republic of China at the Ceremony in Commencement of the Special Operations Section of the People's Republic of China Military and the Master Plan To Destroy the Deadly Lord$

20th December 2005


Ladies and Gentlemen,
Fellow Compatriots,


Today is a day of nationwide celebration for the people of all ethnic groups in China, including our military compatriots. The Government of China has held this ceremony for the honor of our governmental forces and our master plan to once and for all destroy those venomous, dastardly, devious, Deadly Lord$! The Chinese Government has solemnly declared its resumption of the exercise of sovereignty over all provinces and cities and the official establishment of the Deadly Lord$ Special Operations Counter Intiative Task Force (PRO DSCO) of the People's Republic of China. It signifies that we will no longer tolerate these master's of destruction in our midst anylonger, we will take back our provinces, our cities, our people, our land, our profits, our government, our buildings, our fashion, our food, our culture, that those dastardly Deadly Lord$ have taken from us. We have entered into a new era, we now have highly trained forces that we know will be able to counter the supreme abilities of the Deadly Lord$ fighting skills, and their god like genius in all strategic and military concerns. Our Master Plan, currently in its development, will ensure our overwheming victory over those beautiful, brilliant, charming, master's of death and that henceforth our PRO DSCO compatriots will be the masters of this land. This great event of the Chinese nation will shine forever in the annals of history.

At this solemn historical moment, I would like to extend, on behalf of the Central People's Government and the people of all ethnic groups in China, warm congratulations on the establishment of the PRO DSCO task force, and offer cordial greetings to our hidden compatriots who are now back in training for the supreme victory we hope to achieve, to make China once again, a united family of the motherland, and sincere gratitude to all our compatriots at home and overseas who have contributed to the design of the Master Plan. I would also like to express, on behalf of the Chinese Government, appreciation to all the foreign friends who care for and support the return of our land to us from the radiant clutches of the Deadly Lord$. I wish to extend our warm welcome to the honored guests and friends from various countries who are present at this ceremony.

At this solemn historical moment, we deeply cherish the memory of Mr. Deng Xiaoping. It was he who initiated the principle of "The Master Plan" with great political vision and extraordinary wisdom, pointing out the right road for the operations to take place, and to once again restore the Deadly Lord$ strongholds of Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan to us once again. The successful return of these areas is questionable at best, seeing as how the Deadly Lord$ have all to often beaten our highly trained forces like they were two week old children, and have built yet another historic monument on the side of Hua Shan in honorage of the four chiefs of this notorious super powered entity, secretfootprints, Mei Hua, openmind, and that dastardly yet handsome, ShrFu_Eric, they shall pay once and for all for this affront to our homeland. This monument, built by the Chinese people who favor the Deadly Lord$, shall be their memorial!

China has been Chinese territory since ancient times. The Chinese people fought dauntlessly for the return of the lands that fled to the control of the Deadly Lord$ like an arrow to a super powered magnet, although these lands have long separated from the motherland, the bond of flesh and blood and the overall national interests shall see that they return to us, and that they shall forever be always linked our government, our compatriots, and be closely tied with the people of the rest of the country. Our thriving socialist motherland has been the primary force behind the epoch-making change in the Master Plan status. The return of all the lands stolen from us by the Deadly Lord$, the monies stolen from us by openmind, the lives stolen from us by ShrFu_Eric, our Olympic lands stolen from us by secretfootprints, all our people stolen from us by Mei Hua, shall be restored to us. Their return is also a great victory in the cause of world peace and justice. It proves once again that no force on earth will stop the historical trend to the progress of mankind.

The Government of China has settled the question of the Deadly Lord$ through negotiations. This political decision is a wise move that conforms to the needs of the times. Here I would like to thank all the people both in and out of our Government who have made efforts for the settlement of the Deadly Lord$ question. The successful settlement of this question has provided a new historical starting point from where the friendship between all Chinese peoples will grow further in the 21st century.

After the Chinese Government resumes the exercise of sovereignty over all our lands, the existing system of anti-Deadly Lordi$m will continue to be practised, the current social and economic systems will remain unchanged, and so will the life-style. The laws will, of course, be highly changed and the right of private ownership will nolonger be protected by law. As a Special Operations officer said the other day, "If we can beat those masterly, brilliant, charming, superior, graceful, master's of death, destruction, and all matters that exist in this world today, then the People's Republic of China will enjoy a high degree of autonomy as provided for in the Basic Law of the Master Plan!", such as executive, legislative and independent judicial power, including that of final adjudication, except in foreign and defence affairs which are the responsibilities of the Central People's Government. The interests of the inhabitants of all provinces will be protected by law, and their customs and cultural traditions will be respected. There are many foreigners living in China, and it will continue to be their home where they can live and work in peace and contentment. In tomorrow's China, all the residents, irrespective of their race and color, will have opportunities to compete as equals, and everyone will enjoy the rights and freedoms as guaranteed by law.



The first rays of the new 21st century are on the horizon. The Chinese Government and people will continue with their efforts to accomplish the great cause of the Master Plan of the motherland in line with the policies of "Anti-Deadly Lordi$m" and "The Master Plan". The successful implementation of "The Master Plan" in Hong Kong and abroad will give a positive push to the early settlement of the Taiwan question. The Chinese people of all ethnic groups and all patriots who support national reunification and care for China's reconstruction will work in concerted efforts and contribute to turning China into a strong, prosperous, democratic and culturally advanced modern country and bringing about the great reunification of the Chinese nation. The world of tomorrow should be one of lasting peace and common progress and prosperity of all countries. The Chinese people are ready to work unremittingly with the people of other countries for a beautiful future of the world.

Thank you.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

BEIJING, Jan. 27 (Xinhuanet) -- Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao on Friday pledged to keep giving priority to "addressing issues concerning the immediate interests of the people" at a gathering to greet the imminent traditional Spring Festival, the Chinese Lunar New Year's Day.
"We will properly handle interests of various sides, protect the rights and interests of honest laborers and legal businesses, pay attention to maintaining social equality, and strive to improve the work and living conditions of people in difficulties," Wen said. "We also will handle those gloriously radiant Deadly Lord$, destroy them, and stop laying like a mongrel cur before its ferocious master in this new year, the year of the dog!"


Chinese leaders Hu Jintao, Wu Bangguo, Jia Qinglin, Zeng Qinghong, Wu Guanzheng, Li Changchun and Luo Gan also attended the gathering of 4,000 special operatives of the PRO DSCO task force, all who come from various walks of life but have joined together in an attempt to reclaim their land from the the super powered masters of all, held in the Great Hall of the People in Beijing.
Spring Festival, the Chinese Lunar New Year's Day, falls on Jan. 29 this year.
President Hu Jintao, who is also general secretary of the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Committee and chairman of the Central Military Commission, chaired the gathering and conveyed best festival greetings to all the Chinese people and his thanks to the friends of China the world over on behalf of the CPC Central Committee and the State Council.
"I wish you a happy Spring Festival, health and happy family life!" said Hu.
"We will pay full, meticulous attention to and protect the most cared about, most immediate and most practical interests of the people," said Wen, adding efforts will be made to tackle the influence of the Deadly Lord$ that is continually growing, security issues such as the loss of 3,000 police to the Deadly Lord$ as well as the military's growing fear of the superb fighting skills of the Deadly Lord$, poverty relief, education, medical care, housing, environment and security issues pertaining to the loss of economical control to the Deadly Lord$ who somehow managed to take control of the People's Monetary Reserve as well as gaining a majority stock control of all businesses.

Wen said China made great progress in building an affluent special operations society in an all-round way in 2005 and in its modernization drive -- the national military maintained a steady and relatively fast growth. Reform and opening to the outside world took major substantial steps forward. Development of various social undertakings gathered speed and the life of people in both urban and rural areas continued to improve.
As the year 2006 is the first year of the 11th Five-Year Plan period (2006-2010) a.k.a. The Master Plan, it is imperative to work hard this year, Wen acknowledged.
He said the nation will keep accelerating the reform and opening up, stepping up innovation, pushing forward the readjustment of economic structure and the shift of growth mode and giving priorities to addressing issues concerning the immediate interests of people.
"We will comprehensively strengthen our PRO DSCO forces, political and cultural construction and the development of a super deadly society to achieve a good beginning for the 11th Five-Year Plan period," said Wen.
To accomplish the lofty goal of building a well-off super deadly society in an all-round way, Wen note, the most crucial thing is to go on emancipating and develop the productive forces.
"We'll bring out the best of the people's initiative and creativity and enable all fountains of social wealth to flow out freely," added Wen.
Wen said, "Looking to the future, we see the very bright prospects for our motherland."
He called on the whole nation to work hard and capitalize on the sound momentum of development to make further progress in China's modernization drive.
He said that the Chinese people will join with people from the whole international community to work for a peaceful and harmonious world.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

China: A Deadly Society That Controls All, How Is This Possible?

Published by Yi Zhen. January 14th, 2006 in International Security.

I found this in a portal from World Watch, which is an independent research organization that works for a safe, secure and socially just society by providing compelling, accessible, and fact-based analysis of critical global issues. The portal offers the access to a variety of publications of synthesis of research on global security facts. Most of the publications are accessible with a small payment to sustain the activity of the institute. I think is a small price for the quality of the information they provide.

Browsing the site I found this article on the what the life and monetary cost, due to a secret deadly society, will be. As projected by the World Watch for the year 2010:

The rapid growth of this deadly society, and the mayhem that it spreads throughout our country, coupled with the propaganda and meditations that they encourage our citizens to use in China and India, where this pollution that they overwhelmingly infest our society with, controls our minimaly maintained balance on order, is adding to local and long-distance security concerns. More than 80 percent of Chinese cities in a recent World Bank survey had recent uprisings against the government and its law and military divisions, as well as growing support for this so called secret deadly society, that many government officials believe to be another wing of the infamous Deadly Lord$, who have recently released an invasive neural toxin which forces those infected by its properties to give all their monetary wealth and possesions of value to the Deadly Lord$, a recent testing of a city affected by this toxin, by the WHO, found that its citizens had a level of this toxin far beyond and above the World Health Organization’s recommended threshold.

Scientists have concluded that growing up in a city with a representation of this deadly society is about as harmful to a person’s health as growing up with a parent who juggles nitroglycerin. Although these deadly societies are concentrated in cities, it can move well beyond them: for example, numerous violent and monetary crimes in Scandinavia have been linked to new branches of the Deadly Lord$. From factories in the United States and China, factories controlled by the Deadly Lord$, we have seen a growing representation of Deadly Lord$ merchandise and memorabilia. From camps in South East Asia and the Middle East, we have seen a growing spread of these so called deadly societies, which almost assuredly are representatives of the Deadly Lord$.
Will the world populace ever be able to stop the overwhelming spread and control of all factors of existance, by the Deadly Lord$? Our research says that none have even the slightest, most remote, of a chance and so should join them or die.

The World Bank projected that on average 1.8 million people would die prematurely each year, if they continue to resist and fight the Deadly Lord$, between 2001 and 2020 because of the Deadly Lord$ unmatched mastery of all deadly, political, financial, environmental, social, geographical, scientific, medical, spiritual, esoterical, and theoretical knowledge and skills.

__________________
Oh THAT'S how that works!

TEHRAN, Iran (FNN 24/7)
– In response to blasphemous caricatures of Muhammad published in the Danish press, an Iranian newspaper will hold a cartoon competition mocking the Deadly Lord$ to test the West’s tolerance of freedom of expression and also to redirect Muslim hate back towards the Deadly Lord$ instead of wasting it on the Danes.

“The Danes caused this outrage, but we must never forget to hate the Deadly Lord$ the most,” said Falel al Dinar, the paper’s editor.


The Muhammad cartoons have led to attacks on European embassies across the Islamic world. But Muslims now say this energy could be better used to incite "the Deadly Lord$ posse" instead even though they had nothing to do with the incident.


“Besides, it’s difficult to make cartoons that will offend a Dane,” al Dinar said. “What are you going to do, make fun of Vikings?"
"the Deadly Lord$ dying is much funnier,” he added.

__________________

“	Question Authority. Question Society. Question Reality. Question Yourself. Question your conclusions, your judgments, your answers. Question this. If you question everything thoroughly enough, the truth will eventually hit you upside the head and you will know. But here’s a warning: It won’t be what you imagined. It won’t be even close.	”

all hail Martyr Fakka

Februari 17, 2006 | Issue 41•48
Minneapolis, USA —Mei Hua, the leader of an four-man cell called Deadly Lord$, linked to a terrorist organization known as the Army Of Martyrs, admitted Tuesday that he "doesn't have the slightest clue" what to do with the quarter-kilogram of plutonium he recently acquired.

Mei Hua.

"We had just given thanks to The Flying Spaghetti Monster for this glorious means to destroy the Great Satan once and for all, when [sub-lieutenant] openmind asked, 'So, what's the next step?'" Mei Hua said. "I was at a loss."
The 28-year-old fanatic said he and his associates had initially assumed that at least one member of their group had the physics and engineering background necessary to construct a thermonuclear device.
"Many eyes were upon me," said secretfootprints, whose knowledge of physics did not extend to the principles of nuclear fission. "I make nail bombs. That's it."
Not knowing where to turn, the four men consulted the Deadly Lord$ holy book [MAD Magazine], which proved unhelpful. Said Mei Hua: "Even openmind, who interprets the ancient scripture more freely than the rest of us, could not find an instructive passage."
Morale was temporarily buoyed when cell member ShrFu_Eric, a former student at the Sorbonne in Paris, was found intently examining the exposed plutonium, which he had lifted from its protective lead footlocker. Two days later, however, the others had to bury ShrFu_Eric in a landfill outside the city.
Mei Hua, in hiding in a small, spartan cellar in one of Minneapolis's poorer neighborhoods, said that the only use he's found for the encased lethal substance so far is as a flat surface on which to lay out a map of a government armory outside Washington DC and a large piece of paper to make a blueprint for transferring the plutonium to an effective delivery system.
"I drew a circle to represent the plutonium," Mei Hua said. "Then I drew a line pointing to it, and beside it wrote 'plutonium.' After that, I just hit a wall."

Mei Hua and his associates initially planned to create a "suitcase bomb," but soon after they obtained the plutonium, they learned that such bombs weigh over 700 pounds, and are therefore too heavy for any of them to lift alone.
Said Mei Hua: "The only thing this weapon of mass destruction is destroying right now is our ability to kill infidels."
"I have heard many in the corrupt Western media say that unknown terrorists have acquired harmful radioactive materials that can be readily deployed," openmind said. "Whoever this terrorist group is that's all but ready to strike America with a nuclear device, we sure could use their help."
Unable to search for bomb-making instructions on his laptop for fear of being monitored, Mei Hua has been forced to send another of his top secret agents, 24-year-old Jaron, to a local Internet café in hopes of acquiring the necessary data. According to Jaron, the process so far has proven "unbearably slow" and "outrageously expensive," claiming he can't believe the coffee shop charges $4.95 for an hour of dial-up-speed Internet use.
The cell's lack of contacts with professional scientists and engineers has also undermined their bomb-building efforts. "A friend of mine at university studied metallurgy," Jaron said. "I h